I have made the choice to change. I have finally realized that I need to change in order to live the happy life I aspire to live.
I realized the way my life was heading was down a bad path. Not really living, I just felt like a robot going through the days. Living under strict set rules, a strict schedule, and no room for anyone else but ED and I.
It has taken a while to realize this. Unfortunately that comes with consequences. Lots of happiness, friendships, experiences, and myself were lost along the way. Finally, a cord struck me that I did not want this and it was only myself that could change that. It is safe to say that I have learned many lessons the hard way. But, it was the only way for me to learn. People would tell me things, and ED* and I would make the decision to not listen and keep going through the same agonizing days.
I am not sure how I finally came to realize that change was needed. All I can think of is that time and unhappiness finally reached a point to where it all came together in my head.
I can change my life, have a positive mindset, and choose to be happy.
Things happen to people for unknown reasons in life. What I believe is that it all is happening for a reason. Maybe it was because I needed to become stronger as a person or just experience a life-changing event. I will never know, but what I do know is that I have learned a lot, grown as a person, and still have a lot to work on.
This is something I struggle with. I need to realize how far I have come, but I also know that I have a long way to go. Yes, it is going to take a long time. But I know that it something I am willing to work on constantly. I have to keep moving forward. I cannot be afraid of change and challenged. Actually, it is okay to be scared, but I need to have trust in myself that I am string enough to overcome these challenges.
I still have set ways, and rules, but slowly I am breaking these dumb controlling rules and breaking free. Nothing great in life ever came easily. I am working on myself and overcoming my demons that have held onto me for so long. There is a beautiful life out there just waiting for me to dint it. I am ready to take flights and sprinkle my life with sunshine.
* ED=Eating disorder. This is something I have struggled with since Junior year of high school.
Thanks for reading I hope you can also find you sprinkles of sunshine in your life.