Happy Tuesday! I have another blog post for you guys. I hope you enjoy it!
As I have gone through recovery there have been many ups and downs. I have finally dropped ED rules and have allowed myself to eat and do things I would not allow back in my ED. For example, when I was deep in my ED I would have rules as to when I would allow myself to eat. Also, I had a ton of “fear foods” that I would not eat. Now that I am breaking these rules there is some struggles that I find myself dealing with. When I eat foods I have not in a while that I have been craving so long I tend to eat a lot and feel almost out of control. It feels so good to finally be able to eat the foods I have wanted for so long, but it does not feel good to have a feeling of out of control. But maybe it is not actually a feeling of out control, but the way my body needs to recover. Sometimes it is perfectly fine to eat over fullness. It is okay to over eat. It is a part of living and being human.
After talking with one of my best friends, my mind is a little bit more at ease. We discussed that this is a part of recovery, which, I agree with. I have to keep going in order for things to move forward. I wont let this scare me into restrictive behaviors again. I fully believe that things will balance out. For example, this weekend my boy friends and I went out to lunch before we went to see The Choice. On the table there was a card with their seasonal specials. There was this amazing and yummy looking salad on it. All of a sudden I was craving a salad.
The past few months when I have gone out to eat I have usually gotten something not so “healthy”. I love carbs so I usually go for something like that. But I think this is just an example of how things are slowly balancing out. I then proceeded to get a big yummy bowl of ice cream after this. That is freedom right there. I did not plan on having the ice cream or plan my day of eating around it. Before the movie we had time to kill so we went to get ice cream. Being spontaneous with my food choices and experiences is something I am loving and working on. It makes life so much more exciting.
Have you ever dealt with the feeling of out of control after restrictive eating?
Have you seen The Choice yet?
Have a great day!